


Locked In Time

by IheartKyloRen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Horror, Angst, Angst and Drama, Drama & Romance, Dramatic Kylo Ren, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Drama, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Minor Kylo Ren/Rey, Past Abuse, Sexual Content, Star Wars References, Teen Romance, Triggers, Tropes, True Love, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:55:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27926353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IheartKyloRen/pseuds/IheartKyloRen
Summary: After years of imprisonment, together Rey and Ren grow a bond that will be tested by that of a normal society. A bond so strong it locks them together tied to a past of abuse and death. Will they forget the binds of a rational world and embark on a journey they can only complete together? Or will their past drive a wedge between them to tragic ends?They were only children stuck in the foulness of their mother's choices coming from a family that does more than haunt, but torments and bruises such young fragile souls.A Rey & Ren infused story much like that of Flowers in the Attic...
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Please note all tags and as always proceed with care. Tags will be added as the story unfolds.

I always had an affinity for the smell of the earth after a storm. Rain having its way of renewing the damaged, cleansing the dirty, and bringing beauty from earth’s deep, winter sleep. The feel of the air energized with a current of life otherwise left dormant. I could run and play in such rain, taking shelter in its cool embrace while it kept me in a state of purity that only a child knows. It carries with it sweetness and innocence unlike that of the tenuous adult world I was shoved into earlier than any child deserves.

It was through one such spring storm I tread with my family to our new home, a decadent home hidden among the hills of a southern estate worth more than one could ever begin to dream. It wasn’t ours to have or to keep, not even ours to enjoy. It was our prison; caging us in like a set of twittering birds. It was where our mother had her forbidden, starry-eyed children locked away. We were the tarnish on her image she had to dust off to move forward in life. Forward to where she flourished, when time for us somehow remained the same; frozen.

I felt betrayed when our father died in a car accident on a stormy evening on his way home from work. The nature of something I loved, robbed from me of someone I adored more than anything. It was his birthday and I was wearing my brand new hand embroidered dress from Europe with a crinoline petticoat beneath. I favored myself daddy’s favorite, always receiving the best souvenirs from his travels as a salesmen.

Before that night we were the perfect family, as perfect as a set of dolls. Pale matte skin without imperfections and hair soft as silk. Our neighbors all thought so, and often we were referred to as the porcelain dolls made popular in Germany in the late 1800’s. Beloved among collectors for their white skin and their golden hair, and their beautiful wide eyes. Unlike the dolls, we did not have the hair the color of corn silk. We came in a different variety instead.

I had barely outgrown my own doll playing years much unlike my little sister Raina and her twin Rory. Together they were a set unlike any other child in the neighborhood. Their hair pitch and silken to a shine. Their faces a younger vision of my own matching with curious gazing eyes. They were only young school-aged children who didn’t understand the way death takes your loved ones away. Only with the help of Ren, our older brother, did we manage to survive the plight of our mother.

Ren is tall and muscular even for his adolescent age, with aspirations for adulthood already. His hair pitch like the twins and eyes deeper than their chocolate brown, not only in color, but in feeling. I’ve heard my parents say his soul is as old as our old town. At fifteen, Ren knew he was going to be in the sciences. His Christmas chemistry sets often used up before spring set in. Maybe he fancied himself a doctor, or maybe he later chose that when he saw how he would have to nurse us in our survival.

We didn’t know what would happen after our father’s passing. The death of the only man I loved, the one who built me up and kept me from falling whenever the world felt spun. He was my daddy, the one man who knew my soul’s inner desires. The sweet young child’s hopes and dreams that all daddy’s carry with them from their darling daughters. He would never see me drive, or pass my final year of high school. He would never walk me down the aisle with the man I fancy would match all his best features. He would never live to see the woman he married morph into a monster.

Our family had a portrait that equaled that of the cover of a magazine. A family with similar and equally beautiful features, a family too close in traits that other’s never bore witness to the hidden secrets in their veins. We never saw it ourselves, we didn’t want to to believe it, but it became the reason that house took us prisoner. The reason our mother disappeared and left us to wilt like a bouquet neglected of it’s water.

Without our father, mother was an ornament of a woman with no trade or skills to keep her children of four fed and clothed. She was as useless as a cloud with no rain, looks brilliant with it’s billowy soft edges, carrying nothing but intentions never sustained.

She stole us away in the middle of the night after a long ride under false names on the train. A train cutting through the countryside, a blemishing line midst the rolling acres of green, hiding much more than it’s lavish estates, but the secrets they hold inside. Secrets that remain buried beneath mounds of elegance and stature.

We were breathtaken at the size and darkened beauty of our grandmother’s sprawling home. The grandmother we had never once known as she had cast our mother out for reasons we did not know. Through begging, she was given the chance to make amends. We were thrilled at the idea of all the money we would soon see, of the clothes we would wear, the shine in our new shoes. The shine of those ideas faded just like the hope in our eyes and the sheen in our hair.

Damp from the stormy eve, we tracked up endless stairs to the room at the end of the farthest wing. We weren’t to be heard or seen. We couldn’t even disturb the dust in our own room lest the maids find us. But Raina and Rory, both too young to stay quiet and calm needed room to play. Ren wouldn’t agree to the quiet without that in mind. Our grandmother opened a slimline door, hidden by the seams of the wallpaper. It was our only escape in our prison, the attic up the stairs of a narrow, dark corridor.

Here we played for the one night we thought we would be contained. That night passed, and soon time froze, just as Raina and Rory appeared with lack of sun and fresh air. Ren and I became the parents of our tiny porcelain family of dolls. Together, we found our way of living imprisoned with no view of the outside world. My name is Rey, I was only thirteen when I entered that room, only thirteen when the attic became my world. Like my brothers and sister my hair is darker, though not pitch, and my eyes a lighter hazel instead. Identical in almost every other way, together, we became our mother’s stars locked in time.


	2. The Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing I like about writing things that are taboo is that it isn't real. The fiction loses a confinement that allows us to do, see, and experience what we would not normally. It's a place for the imagination to take on it's reflections of 'what if?' If this is something you can't wrap your mind around, you likely will not enjoy this story no matter if it is written well. The idea is to break the boundaries by teetering on the safety of reasoning. Reasoning isn't always logical, but it does have it's place in a time where someone loses a sense of real life. Please enjoy the next step of this little journey so far. My apologies for the shortness of the chapters, I merely listen in as the characters speak to me and transcribe their desires. 😉🎁👀

The nightmares were frequent when the middle of the night called for it’s truest quiet. My screams would disrupt it’s blackened calm and Ren would come running followed by the man who took us in after the escape. The great escape, it was all we had left in us when we slipped from the attic window down a rope. Our pockets lined with the charms of our mother’s new lifestyle. Anything to buy passage and shelter as we ran as far as our thin, tired limbs would carry us. It was only three of us by then, Rory having been robbed from us also with the aid of an illness we later discovered was the result of rat poison. We weren’t even permitted the respite of closure through any services. He was simply buried, simply gone.

I didn’t hear the screams as they tore from my throat each night, only Ren’s voice. The calm deep thrum of him humming my name.

“My sweet Rey, I’m here.”

The stroke of his hand would soothe the snarls of my sleep frazzled hair as he cradled my head to his wide thick chest. Now twenty, he is a scholar at a nearby university. I have recently finished my senior year of high school finding my time well spent in the dance studio a few blocks away.

“I don’t understand why these nightmares still haunt her. Can’t you do anything?” Ren would ask the doctor we moved in with. Doctor Louis.

“I have an alternative medication we can try,” he would respond.

The reality of it is my heart is torn, numbed and wounded in such a way the real world feels like a plastic village in a tiny model of a world I have yet to understand. It isn’t medication that will help, it is the salvation of healing. The attic was my life for so long, the outside world no longer mattered, and it still feels that way embedded within me. The only love of my life is in the brother I can’t have. The depravity of it from the outside world’s perception another scar on an already shattered psyche. It isn’t permissible in this world. In the attic we made the rules, because that was our only recourse for survival.

“Rey, do you want a drink of warm milk or tea to help you go back to sleep?” Ren asks me on this most recent night of being ripped from the peaceful slumber most enjoy this time of night.

I nod with tears soaked cheeks I was unaware of shedding until his shifting from my bed allowed the cool air to replace the warmth of his chest. I watched as the doctor flashed me another sympathetic smile as he followed Ren from the room. Upon return, Ren closes the door to my room and returns to the side of my bed handing me a warm mug of tea I sip from carefully. His eyes wide and concerned as he watches my face. He takes the mug from my hands and sets it on the table beside my bed before his hands wrap lovingly around my cheeks, bowing my head to kiss my forehead. His lips traced soothingly down the side of my face, halting just beside my mouth. The smell of mint from his breath reaches my nose, his presence as he always wants so close. Too close.

It has been some nights since our days in the attic as parents to a twin set of school children. We were only children ourselves, but now even with the knowledge of the illicit actions we took being forbidden, we know better. It is a war inside my soul every time he attempts to draw me back into the relationship we had, but his lips with their familiarity conquers the initial battle of said war nearly every time. The softness of them placing themselves perfectly atop mine, the slight suction of his kissing pulling my lips in towards his.

I gasp each time into the opening of his mouth as he captures my lips in different formations, sucking and nibbling on them as he goes. His tongue assuming permission to entrance my own into their own slippery dance between our puffed pink lips. I ache inside emotionally and physically at his touch. The smell of his breath and skin, the shelter my body and soul seeks to ease the nightmares from my unconscious mind. But it can’t happen, and every time out of breath and chest heaving with excitement my small hands manage to press him away from me by the broadness of his chest.

“Rey, I know it isn’t right, but I will never love anyone else,” he says, his head bowed in shame.

Now my time to soothe him my hand strokes over the long length of back. “We can’t. What if someone finds out? You have to move on Ren, you can’t keep thinking of me that way. We can’t have that here.”

“It isn’t our fault what has happened to us, and we shouldn’t have to follow traditional expectations simply because someone deemed it sinful. We are not our mother’s cloven offspring. We are perfectly normal people Rey, and only between us do we know what we have been through.”

Ren is correct as usual, he tends to never speak unless there is a strong foundation of truth. Our grandmother referred to us as the devil’s spawn, born from a sinful relationship much like Ren and my own. As a late teenager, our mother fell in love with her uncle only a handful of years older. They sought a life outside of the restriction of traditional expectations, succeeding only until our father passed. It was the explanation of our likeness and the gateway to our imprisonment.

“I am aware of everything we have been through, I am the one having nightmares. Am I not? We have a bond like no other. That is all it can ever be. A friendship between brother and sister, deeper connected than any siblings before. We know each other like we know our own minds, but we cannot share that in this world. We are seen in the daylight here. We are no longer the shadows of the flowers we once were and have a chance to prosper and bloom again. We can’t deny ourselves that either, Ren. No matter the personal sacrifice. No matter the depth of that bond.”

“You speak like you have known this world well, though you have not experienced it yet. You are just now seeing what it is like out there. Beyond the boundaries of school… beyond the attic,” he whispers the last segment of his thought.

“What you are seeking isn’t even out there, it’s right here in front of you. I will always want only you, love only you. I don’t care how wrong it is. The darkness from our past haunts us both. No one will understand it better than myself,” he adds, his deep watery eyes staring into mine longing for me to change my mind.

“Ren, no.”

He stands from my bed pulling his hair tightly between both fists. “Fine. You will see, Rey. We don’t belong with other people. If we weren’t meant, we wouldn’t have been drawn to each other the way we were after being locked away. It isn’t our place to say why it happened that way, but it was the will of the universe.”

He stares at me waiting for a response. I can’t give him one he will accept. We were pinned in with no other to even try to find an appropriate love. Again, he is correct however. We belong to each other in a way no rational mind could explain without a tainted view. We are broken figures trying to resurrect where we are not welcome as a pair.

“If you love me, you will let me try to carry on with a normal life. Please...”

Succumbing to the inevitable as he does each time, he bows his head shamefully again and steps out into the dark hallway beyond my door. Closing it behind him, I hear his footsteps as they tread down the hall to his room and the soft click of the latch as it shuts.

I rock myself tearfully into my pillow, my head spinning, my heart pining. Guilt floods into my chest forcing an ache that lends itself to a different type of nightmare. One that follows me in the daytime. It followed me through the halls of school, down the street when I walk to the dance studio. Being in love with someone you know is off limits tears holes into your being in such tattered ways it is difficult to stitch it all back together again. My equal half is regretfully my closest kin. If I am ever to find normalcy I have to let him be the past and move forward. Somewhere, in the great beyond of this small town is the man I will fall in love with and marry. My brother will have to settle for being the one on my arm the day I walk down that aisle.

Even then, as I drift back into my difficult sleep with me head nested in a damp pillow it’s Ren I think of. The softness in his touch like being tucked into satin sheets. The warmth of his body like the sun drying the droplets of water after swimming on a hot summer’s day. These are the things that keep my mind laced with Ren. Every moment still exciting like it is new. However, he will always be that wonderfully anticipated gift you have to wait to open, a gift that is lost in time to remain hidden by such beautiful wrapping.


	3. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing keeps these two apart...

There was a point in our time locked away our mother braved us venturing around one night. When the maids and other house employees were all busy with a Christmas party. A gala so fancy I would have thought I was witnessing a fairy tale. Boughs of holly swept over everything, sparkles from tinsels and the glass balls on the tree shimmered around them. Our mother, dressed in an ankle length gown so silky and golden she nearly shimmered herself. We were to hide in a cabinet, stowaways in chest with decorative metal grates on the side we could admire all that was transpiring below through.

Ren, ever so curious, ventured out further than we were supposed to. Finding mother’s lavishly decorated room in pale pink silks, and antique white furniture with golden accents. It was all too pretty to be real. It was that night that I followed him into that room where we found a spare skeleton key tucked in a drawer in the lingerie chest in the closet big enough to be it’s own room. It slipped into his pocket so easily. That key is how we scraped together enough valuables and money to attempt to live on our own after our escape.

Rory tragically died before we could leave. The sunken eyes we were all developing and the sickly pallor our skin became was the sign it was time. Ren had been leashing sheets together with knots to pieces of any rope we could find, so we would have something sturdy to climb down. It only had to last one climb. Ren was to take Raina, while I carried the bag of goods. I can still feel the blistering on my hands from controlling my decent, a pain I won’t forget. Ren saved us with his ingenuity. Smarter than most for someone who missed so much school, he always knew the best way.

The groundsman crossed us as were ran across the lawn. With a horror-struck face after we said who we were, he waved us on. The noticeable sickness in our faces, he was quick to assess there was some kind of foul play and took pity on us. We ran as long as we could finding refuge in the canopy of some trees lining the hills a couple miles from the house.

Raina fell asleep in an instant once she laid down on her coat. Ren and myself too adrenaline filled to even imagine sleep. A tossup between exhilaration and nerves kept our eyes wide. We stepped away from Raina as she slept in peace, needing rest to continue on in the morning. Ren and I found a small moon filled clearing. That clearing was the last time we were intimate. Conceivably, one could say we even made love.

We had become familiar with each other’s needs by then. Emotionally, physically, we explored and learned all we could from each other. Our bodies and minds did as they should have otherwise, only we were all we each had. Curious hormones and endless amounts of time led us down a terribly twisted path, but there is no remorse. I miss that part of our relationship. I am simply committed to forgetting the past and that includes what happened there no matter how lovely of a celebration of our freedom.

It was a scary time watching each other fade away into hollow versions of ourselves. Watching our younger brother become so ill he passed away. We couldn’t possibly have found comfort in ourselves, it was impossible. Raina too, had no one more than us. Time would take it’s toll on her small underdeveloped young adult body. Her sense of self deteriorated and soon after becoming engaged she took her life in a similar fashion to Rory, through poison.

I was the one who put it all together. Realizing all she wanted was our mother to accept her and to show it by attending her wedding. Our mother doesn’t acknowledge us at all, having moved onto marrying a well to do lawyer and settling in the house we had considered our hell. I even tried to call her, but I always hung up the moment I heard her voice. The ludicrous idea of attempting to make amends quickly settling in.

Raina’s loss drove me closer to a reality far too hard to take. Ren and I were left in a world without our siblings, clinging to the hope we each offered each other as we watched the ones we loved drift from our lives. After our father and our siblings, the man who offered to take us in until we grew passed away himself. A lucrative career in the medical field gave us a livable inheritance, but it also gave opportunity to divide our lives in an attempt at preventing more loss.

Even now I remember the way Ren healed me when I lay alone at night. My husband taken from me in a car accident, leaving me as a young widow with an altered career as a dancer. I had to move home again. Ren now finishing his internship at the local hospital, and I the dance instructor of a newly refurbished studio not far from the home we were left. Memories too bold a reminder to stay apart forever, I live in a small apartment not far from home or my studio.

The thought of his hands as they slid over my body haunts me now. The one warmth and comfort a short distance away, but still I lay in my own bed, my fingertips tracing over the same pathways his did that last time. The bumps that rise bring tears to my eyes. Barely legal to drink and I have lost so much in my lifetime. It’s all my mother’s fault for lying to us all those years, for allowing my siblings to be poisoned and weakened. I will never escape the fragile face of my sister as she lay in her bed too still to be living.

Ren, not only my salvation, but the anchor to my past and memories I have only just begun taking for what they are. Burned into my soul, I will never let her get away with it. The more time to myself, the more I can remember the bitterness vested in me as I sat for years in a cold, dank attic forming a bond with the love of my life and brother. It isn’t fair of her to drive me so close to something I can never keep, then to rob me of everything else with such ease of cruelety.

Our escape allowed her a brief reprieve of consequences, but she has remarried and it is my goal to destroy all she has come to love since our parting. For her to suffer as I did, as I do each time I think of his hands on my body, his lips on mine, and the feel of him penetrating me. The filling pressure of him so deep inside of me I can feel him through every nerve fiber of my being. The first time wasn’t so sensational, no, it rather burned and the blood was a fright. Ren, knowing what to expect, soothed me with his gentle words and soft caresses.

I miss the way he could make me feel whole again. Needed and wanted in a way I have sought for the years since our escape and failed at finding even in my own husband who was known to raise a hand when driven to his last thread of patience. A fuse, unfortunately, easily lit. But a dancer himself, with a famous mother capable of putting in words of favor with any dance company. I looked past the darkness, and raced towards the glory I had anticipated since my dreaming of it as a child.

Ren celebrated my return home with a forced respect to my required boundary. Most of the time keeping his distance as he seeks comforts elsewhere. Then once in awhile he finds his fruitless way to my door. A night like tonight as I lay in bed imagining his hands upon me as he sounds a frustrated knock on my door. It takes more effort than it should to draw myself from bed. With a slim robe wrapped around my negligee I answer the door to a dark and tall man. His brooding self leaning against the door frame as he peers into my face, his breath drenched in beer.

“Rey.”

“Ren, you shouldn’t be here.”

He presses his large palm to my shoulder and steps in towards me. “The worst mistake I ever made was letting you leave. I have given you months to come around, to see that I am still here for you.”

I can feel the hot tear slide from my eye as I back away, hearing the door latch behind him. The feel of his presence so large I can feel him all around me as he presses me in towards the middle of the room. His lips capturing mine with the gentle pull of his kiss. The slick material of my robe slips over my shoulders as his forearm secures me to him as he pushes me backwards to my room where the end of the bed stops us.

“I need you to let me back into your life,” he mumbles in between the beat of his kissing, his hands moving to cup my face to his. His tongue sweeps over my lips carefully before pressing inside my mouth.

The taste of him is hard to resist even with his drunken state. I glide my tongue over his to feel him groan as our lips move against one another. The flavor of alcohol is dimmed by the sweet flavor of the malleable flesh that makes the curve of his mouth. I sneak the tip of my tongue across his lips, experiencing him far differently than last I remember. Years between moments, the comfort of his embrace the same, the feel of his enormous self new. He has grown full into a man and I, a woman, and even in our current state of youth, we express a lifetime of passion in one simple romantic kiss.

From then until now there had only been a few stolen kisses. Brief moments of weakness in the shadows of our most recent family home when Ren pressed for more than I was willing to offer.

“You are so beautiful.”

His lips move down the length of my neck. His kiss moving to the delicate flesh that makes up my shoulder before he hoists me up his body forcing my legs to wrap around his thick waist as he kneels on the bed, laying us down in the middle our hips gyrating toward each other in a familiar dance.

“Has something changed?” he asks, his lips pecking sensitive spots of flesh between words.

Another tear and a shake of my head before I admit, “No, I have missed you.”

His lips grasp mine again another round of tugging and maneuvering for a strange sense of purchase.

“I only ever want to be with you. I don’t care the ill ideas it creates. We can start over somewhere new where no one knows us.”

“Ren, I can’t promise anything right now but tonight. Please.”

His face drifting to the skin between my breasts, he sighs between more kisses. The tips of his fingers pulling the thin straps of my nightie down revealing my dancer’s breasts, small but firm. Groaning he pulls each nipple into the warmth of his mouth. Sucking them roughly to a small peak as his hand reaches between us, hiking up the hem of my nightie to find the thin panties that are hidden beneath. The feel of his fingers tracing my folds through the damp fabric sends the best tingle through my body.

“So wet for me?”

“Always wet for you,” I admit, caught in the throes of the passion our union seems to always bring.

He smiles that boyish smile, the one tinted with devilish handsomeness. “You are sure?”

I nod. “Yes.”

Somewhere in the middle of his teasing he managed to wriggle himself from his pants, barely undressed when he thrusts firmly into my core. The sound of relief passes through us both as we settle against each other. Kisses speckling over our skin he thrusts himself inside of me once more. The feel of the way he enters rough, but soothing. The head of his cock satiating that spot withing desperate to feel the pressure of intimacy he has only ever reached. Again and again he moves in against the barrier that ends at the furthest depth of my warmth.

He settles himself in a rocking motion, our hips aligned ever so perfectly to garner the best sensation as he drives himself in a maddeningly slow motion to draw out the moment. Giving up on the sensible position and quickly throwing my leg over his arm to spread me open for him, gaining a new depth I have not yet felt from a man.

I take him in with an expression of surprise and he smiles that beautiful perfect smile in return.

“I’m not a boy anymore Rey, I have learned a thing or two in our distance. Like how to better reach within you. You feel me in a special spot?”

I can offer no response as he shows me, my eyes rolling to the back of my mind as he eases himself with care into my pussy deeper than ever. The head of him presses that spot I have heard described in a painful, yet exhilarating way. It feels a combination of sensations that are hard to describe, so I watch his face once I acclimate to it.

His features so sharp and manly now, even with the same smile of his. With eyes so intent on watching pleasure cross over my face as he pulls each whimper from my throat. Minutes pass as we gaze at one another. He hasn’t cum yet, the feel of his cock wearing it’s welcome from swollen folds, I press upwards towards his pelvis.

“Ren, I can’t handle much more.”

His fingertips drift over my cheek as he brings our lips together once again, angling himself against me in a way that pulls a new sensation from outside where I mesh against his flesh. He moves fluid against me as a stuttering flame of joy flickers in the pit of my stomach. It forces me to cry out as it ignites and I strain to keep pressure towards the heat of my body pressing myself flush to him. He grins at me, his eyes trained on the dopey expression I wear as he thrusts into my core worn from pleasure until he cums deep within me, the pleasure too great to afford worry.

He cradles me against him as he used to, fingertips tracing the length of my arm as it drapes over his middle. “I have missed you, my love.”

“I have missed you also, but I can’t promise more than tonight.”

“Please don’t say such things.”

“Ren...”

“Rey, please. Let me love you in peace if it is only for this night.”


	4. Driven by the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late nature of this update as well as how short it is. I wanted to put something out there while I had a moment, and promise there will be more soon. Thanks for reading.

Waking in Ren’s arms brings about tearful memories my heart clings to with desperate need. The natural earthy smell of his skin pressed to the flat of my cheek by his chest makes me want to cling to him. The rise of his chest as he breathes in full repose keeps me occupied in thought while I cherish his presence. Hours could be spent in his embrace. It is one of the few times I remember what it feels to be loved.

This particular morning my heart soured further at our shared past, our mother and her unfit ways. We rarely speak of it in fear of someone finding out the indiscretions of our youth. Years behind aged brick walls without much light, no outside interaction with others. Our circle, just us and the mother and grandmother that aided her. We were fooled into believing our grandmother was the strict one, the one who wished us dead, but she was only the deliverer of the poison coated sweets. Our mother had been the one to coat them. Between the two, we were beaten, poisoned, and emotionally tortured for the entire extent of our stay.

Times come to pass that I wonder how we even survived, but here we are sharing a bed yet again. Years have passed since then that seemed tainted by our past. Days that I would fall back on thoughts of that attic. Tears shed for my brother and sister. I’ve come to terms with most of it, but for one thing. Fixing my mother with her fair do.

My thoughts unravel in the comfort of Ren’s embrace. Lost in my planning I fail to feel his breathing change in the rise of his chest. The slight weight of his fingertips smooth over my hair as he groans sexily as he wakes.

“Morning, my love.” His voice is husky with sleep as he greets me.

“Morning.”

_Hmmmmm._ “What’s wrong?” He questions all too familiar with my moods.

I sigh in an attempt to keep from answering, but in second thought he would know I was keeping something from him.

“I tracked down our mother and her new husband. They live just in a home not far from the estate,” I state softly.

“Rey, why would you bother? She wrote us off years ago, you should let her go.”

“It’s not right Ren. What she has done to us with the help of our overly religious grandmother. She needs to be taught a lesson.”

Shuffling me in his arms to draw my face towards his, he kisses my lips tenderly. “And you intend to be her teacher.”

The idea perks my lips into a smug half-grin. “There is no one else. I know you certainly would never.”

He smiles back. “I don’t give enough of a damn to bother. I’ve erased my need for her approval. You are the only one I need, Rey. Can’t you just leave it alone?”

Shaking my head. “No. I can’t. I’ve rented an extended stay room and I’ll be leaving tomorrow for a few weeks. I am touring a studio for sale nearby while I’m there.”

His chest rises fuller than normal as he sighs. “What do you intend to do?”

“I’m not so sure you want to know or if anything I’ve considered will even pan out. Its all very tenuous.”

Ren’s face rests firmly in my conscious thoughts as I prepare for an appointment with the Realtor for the studio I pose to purchase. The man my mother married, who has offered her a continual flow of funds and attention since our departure. In my heart I know I am disgracing my integrity and likely Ren’s respect, but it will be all too worth it. Alan meets me promptly at our agreed time and tours me around the studio.

It’s beautiful with freshly renovated floors. The tall reaching mirrors go on for an eternity as they stretch around the elongated room. I watch him careful to not be seen through the mirrors, finding that my outfit is doing the trick with it’s tight lines hugging my form. When he catches my eyes in the mirror from behind he flashes me a playful smile that I return a flirty one to. His cheeks redden slightly as I lick my lips while I turn my attention elsewhere. His body tells me he finds me attractive, and younger more beautiful version of my mother he has yet to find resemblance of.

We go on with a flirting smiles and reddened cheeks as he explains all of the recent updates and my eyes travel around reminding myself this is supposed to be a facade. I’m not to fall in love with the beauty of the vaulted ceilings with vintage wood beams. The classic mirrors lined with all new barres. The entry way with it’s lovely row of coat hooks and cubicles storage benches remind me of all the lessons I missed. The ones I used to sit on a similar bench after hanging my coat to change into my slippers.

Years of training that could have shot me to be a principle at any company. Instead, here I stand watching the man fifteen years my senior with his flaxen waves and emerald eyes shining curiously at me in the reflections I find of him. A polar opposite of the man I love, yet I could find myself in his naked embrace all the same with the end goal of tarnishing my mother’s relationship.

I approach him. He turns abruptly almost into me as I have come up to him so close without his notice. He chuckles a nervous laugh as I flash him an alluring smile.

“I believe this is exactly what I am looking for, Alan.”

My words wisp over his cheek near his ear. I listen to him gulp.

“I’m glad that wasn’t a hard order to fill.”

I smile warmly as I lean into him, placing my hands on his chest as I whisper to him. “I bet you are good at filling things.”

He eyes my smirk nervously as I linger ever so close for him to kiss me if he so chose as he nods. “I have heard that before.”

“How about an example?” I press my ruby red lips to his with a quick firm peck.

Leaving a smudge of red upon his lips I smile internally as I explore his reaction my eyes. Cocking my head to the side, he quickly drops his distance and pulls me firm against him. His lips crashing hard into mine, tongue seeking the hollow of my mouth to taste my own. When he groans I raise my leg to rub my thigh over his hip, pressing his back to the mirror behind him.

His growing erection rubs near the crotch of my thin skirt. Closer when his hand palms my rear and pulls me in. His breath spreads across my face as he kisses down my neck, his fingertips pulling the spaghetti strap over my shoulder exposing my otherwise bare breasts. He thumbs my nipple as it hardens in the cool air. Firming against his touch I begin to picture another man. The man I love. Wishing it were he touching me with his delicate touch. The hands of a doctor, agile and soft. Attentive to the nuances of how my flesh reacts.

Alan turns me to push my back to the wall. Lifting me with ease he pushes my panties to the side and thrusts himself upwards into my aching orifice. It isn’t him I ache for as I picture my gorgeous partner in life. The one who I will always return to. He deserves better of me, but the feel of Alan as he fills me is what draws a ragged breath from my lungs. My legs wrap around his waist hugging his pelvis to mine.

It is a brief encounter, but the way his cock jerked inside of me expresses to me a worthy one. Hopefully, all I will need is this one encounter. I hope for such while I kiss him tenderly as though he is the lover I long for, while in my heart and mind it remains Ren.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all support and please leave me kindness if you enjoy. I have been working on this one for quite some time and it is taking me a bit to get it down with the right vibe.


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